


The darkest side of light

by ShioriKaiou



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Swan Queen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:49:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShioriKaiou/pseuds/ShioriKaiou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snow didn´t look quite happy to see me, no surprise there, but it seem stronger than before we separated. This just amused me greatly, I was about to comment on the change when I noticed Emma´s shoulders seem to hold a lot more weight on them. She looked tired, not that she didn´t look any better before but now her presence was heavier. Like a dark cloud was looming over her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The darkest side of light

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Swan Queen fanfic. English is not my mother language so please be kind to me. I changed the order of a few events to fit the story, I know Snow talked to Emma before meeting Regina but it was better this way for me. Hope you enjoy!

 The moment I saw the little “rescue” team I knew it was going to be a disaster, Rumpel had told me his boy was alive and I must admit seeing him standing so close to Emma was not a sight I enjoyed very much. Specially knowing how Emma dismissed Henry´s safety to go save this useless boy. Emma lowering her sword after she saw us was not missed on my part, it gave me a sense of security for some reason I´d rather not think too deeply about. Snow didn´t look quite happy to see me, no surprise there, but it seem stronger than before we separated. This just amused me greatly, I was about to comment on the change when I noticed Emma´s shoulders seem to hold a lot more weight on them. She looked tired, not that she didn´t look any better before but now her presence was heavier. Like a dark cloud was looming over her head. She wouldn´t look at her mother, avoiding any look Snow might direct her way. Something had happened in my absence and it wasn´t just about the moronic boy looking at me as if I was ready to curse them all to live as frogs for a lifetime. Hook didn´t look too pleased either but he kept giving little glances at Emma, while the other child kept shooting him glares. I was expecting them to start sticking their tongues out at each other.   

 

                “Where have you being?” asked Emma.

 

Even her tone of voice was subdued, filled with that same dark cloud around her. Something tugged at my heart but I suppressed the urge to show my concern in front of so many unwanted and unwelcome people.

 

“While you were playing house, Rumpelstiltskin and I were getting actual work done. We found a way to defeat that smug brat” Everyone seem surprised if not a bit skeptical of my proclamation. I proceeded to explain how we were going to achieve that. It came to no surprise to me when Neal revealed Rumpel true intention, what came as a surprise was all the gang teaming up to stop him from reaching his goal. But Rumpelstiltskin lost his will of destroying my son. Either way, I was not about to lower my defenses around him. He might have been my mentor, even in a twisted way a small resemblance of a father figure but more than anything he is the deceitful imp who showed me the dark path. I will not trust my son to him.

 

Emma seems too regain some of her bravado while pointing her sword at Rumpel, magic could be felt from her if just a little. Could it be she´s focusing her energy in case Rumpel tried something? This thought ignited some sort of proud feeling inside me. So the woman had been practicing while I was gone. Yet I still could feel the shift in her presence, it was quite unsettling in a way, nostalgic. This did not settle well with me. As soon as I got the chance I would find out what has changed. But for now I was trying really hard not to kill Rumpelstiltskin for giving OUR Pandora box to that regret of his.

 

Plans were made to make camp for the night, the lost boys weren´t that far but we didn´t want to go against them when Charming was still recuperating from his wounds not that either Rumpel or I cared but Tinkerbell insisted it was safer to do it at the dawn of the day because, even thou the boys were evil, they were still boys who loved to sleep in. I was expecting to see Emma help her parents build up their little beds but she avoided them. Snow hurt look should have made me extremely happy but I was too preoccupied looking at Emma. Both Hook and Neal tried to talk to her but she soon slipped from them when they started pushing each other like five year olds, she sighed then and walked closer to Tinkerbell’s bed, Tink gave her a look like she was crazy but made no comments about it, she actually looked at me with a questioning look I returned in kind.

 

We might not be friends anymore but we still hold that strange bound of understanding, and we both were confused by Emma´s behavior, thou she looked like she knew something. I have to say Emma avoiding even myself hurt a little. But considering her odd behavior I didn´t linger on that feeling, I was more concerned, even if I didn´t want to admit it, about her sullen look and her downcast eyes. Throughout the night while Rumpel, Neal and Hook tried not to kill each other, more on Hook´s part. Snow and Charming cuddling while Snow stared longingly at her daughter. Tinkerbell sitting beside me, not speaking a word. Emma had slipped from the camp to seek water, not caring if Tink looked at me like I have grown two heads I went after her. I found her by a little river, she was staring at the sky, sitting on the dirt, pulling at her turtleneck shirt I have sort of forgotten she had because I was so used to see her on that shirt, flexing her arms as she fought her enemies… I shook my head. I was getting side tracked.

 

“You are missing out on the fun” I spoke softly as to not startle her. She jumped anyways and looked at me like I was a ghost.

 

“What are you doing here?” she asked, glaring at me.

 

“I wanted to make sure you didn´t drop our water on the way back” I said with my usual sass. But it was the wrong thing to say because she stood up, gave me the darkest glare I have ever received from her and walked past me. I stopped her by holding her arm.

 

“Let me go, Regina” she said in a soft warning voice, dark and silk, all too familiar.

 

“No until you tell me what happened while I was away” I said calmly.         

 

“Why do you care?” she asked, I hesitate.

 

Because really, why did I care for her? True our relationship wasn´t much on the enemy spectrum we were not yet friends. She took advantage of my brief silence to shrug off my hold and walk away from me again. I caught her arm once more, holding her steady in place.

 

“You are not acting like yourself” I said. She made a face at this, between hurt and anger.

 

“Well, I as said your majesty. Why do you care?” she tried to leave but this time I wouldn´t let go.

 

“I don´t want this new development in your character to get in the way of saving our son. It was already such a waste of time looking for that good for nothing of your ex. We can´t waste more time on petty things” I was about to continue my tirade when something in Emma´s eyes shinned darkly at me.

 

“Yes, because you can save our son all on your own. You have already proved it, your Majesty, you have got a way to trap Pan, you didn´t need my help to find it so you don´t need my help saving Henry! Can you just leave me alone like you did before?” even when her eyes shot hot daggers at me I could see the hurt in her eyes. I knew this was provoked by something else but I asked anyways.

 

“Is this because I left you when you said we should stick together?” Emma looked away and did not answer me.

 

“Emma, you have got to understand. I was not going to waste more time, and much less trying to save Rumpelstiltskin´s son. Henry is my priority and I thought he was yours too, specially after you agreed with me to rip out that lost boy heart so we could speak with him” Emma looked ashamed for a few seconds but the hurt and darkness never left her eyes.

 

“Is the damn island…” she whispered.

 

“What was that?” I asked letting go of her arm, knowing she wasn´t going to go away.

 

“I never told you how I unblocked the map, did I?” I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest, paying attention to her.

 

She looked shy then, I have never seen her this way before, her goofiness was gone leaving a child, a lost confused little girl in front of me. All her fight was gone, a resigned sigh leaving her lips.

 

“I finally admitted I was an orphan, a lost girl” she said so softly I thought I might miss it. I did not spoke, allowing her to continue explaining herself even when deep inside guilty was starting to build up in my heart. She was a lost girl because of my curse.

 

“Mary Margaret was there when I admit it, saying it was her job to change the fact that I felt like I never belonged anywhere. But you know, so far she has not proved me of her intentions. But that is not important” It clearly was but I let her dismiss it for now.

 

“I never felt like I belonged, Regina. I moved from home to home, people always leaving me. Nobody ever stayed by my side. I got used to it that it stopped bothering me, until I came to Storybrooke. I started to get attached to people I didn´t want to, at first. But I did anyways and when the curse broke I found myself in a crazy hole that will put Alice in wonderland to shame. But there was something constant, even if before coming here it was screwed up. But one day it decided it was feed up with my screw up ways and left me to fight on its own”

 

To say I was speechless and in shock was little compared to the ocean of emotions in me at her confession. Emma started passing from side to side, avoiding my eyes.

 

“Regina, we might have our differences, we argue with each other constantly, but that is my stability, that is the constant none changing thing that keeps me sane. I know I screw up when Archie disappeared” I winced at this. This incident was still fresh in my memory. The betrayal I felt from Emma.

 

“Everyone keeps telling me what to think, to do what is right, but that´s right on THEIR minds not mine. Plus, this island messing me up with my abandonment issues makes me crazy, is like I not only have my parents little voices telling me what to do but now I have a whole island telling me I need to find someone to belong.

 

And you left, I wanted so hard to prove my insecurities wrong by having you say you´ll stay because I was right, we need to stick together to rescue our son. But you left, Regina. You left and everything has been a bigger clusterfuck than before!” she was now staring at me with such intense stare I could not look away.

 

“What do you expect of me, Emma?” I said softly. Glad I could find my voice over all the noise inside my head.  

 

“I just want you to stay and be one of the few who understands how screw up everything is and won´t try to pretend it isn’t” the intensity of her green eyes making me feel a little dizzy but the insecurities and the way they beg me to say I will. The same way they did when I first left but I ignored. I didn´t want to ignore them now. Whatever changes Emma was going through; whatever was still bothering her was a path I was too familiar with. Emma had said there must be another way to make magic without turning dark. And I was going to do everything in my power to stop her from going there.

 

“I will. But I must ask you to promise me no more distractions. Henry is in grave danger and he is our priority right now.” Emma nodded, agreeing to my conditions. 

 

“And you must promise this conversation isn´t over” she blinked.

 

“What is there to talk about?” She was trying to avoid it. Emma´s go to mechanism was to escape confrontation and bad feelings.

 

“Something else happened; I want you to tell me.” Emma wasn´t able to replay, a voice interrupted her. I groaned, must this guy always ruin my existence?

 

“Out for a stroll, ladies?” Rumpel said, that infuriating grin plastered on his face.

 

“What are you doing here?” Emma asked with venom in her voice. Rumpel raised an eyebrow, amused by Emma. I knew he could tell the changes Emma had suffered and if I wasn´t careful the imp might take advantage of them.

 

“Looking for you, better be me than either of your parents or the boys, don´t you think? Don´t want them to get the wrong idea” I pushed past Emma, ready to burn the little imp to ashes but Emma´s hand on my shoulder stopped me.

 

“Don´t. Save your energy for Pan.” She dragged me by the arm, away from Rumpelstiltskin but as soon as we were a good distance away she let go of me.

 

We walked the short distance in silence, to be completely honest I was still in shock by her confession of how she felt when I left and how she feels when I´m around. Warm spread inside me knowing that and I felt bad. Because I was being selfish, feeling some sort of happiness over Emma´s distress.

 

“Thank you” she said before we reached our camp. I could see Charming and Snow sleeping already. Hook was sitting by the fire; Neal looked at us suspiciously from his post beside Tinkerbell. Better be that blonde than the blonde in front of me.

 

“What for?” I asked, moving the palm leafs away from us.

 

“Saying you will stay” she said, moving quickly to her sleeping place. Her tone so vulnerable and innocent made me think of Henry.

 

 

 

I don´t know what infuriates me the most, my mother constant seeking of my attention. Insisting we should talk about our new addition to the team. Or the constant fight between Neal and Hook to try and impress me like I was something to win. It was sort of cute and flattering at the beginning but now it was getting tedious and ridiculous. Their fight almost got us killed if it wasn´t for Regina we wouldn´t be telling the story.

 

The thought of the brunette woman distracted me from Neal and Hook talking my ears off about some pillow and blanket they made for me. I confessed something I wasn´t ever thinking of making public. It troubled me that I wasn´t able to hide my insecurities on this place like I wanted. It had led me to kiss Hook, something I deeply regret and save Neal, something I don´t regret but now he´s got the wrong idea about this. This island had enhanced my insecurities of being alone. This is why I fear what I told Regina was part of the influence of this island and not myself but what I told her was true.

 

When she is around I can think clearly, even when we argue. But I was relieved I told her. It was like part of the weight I hold on my shoulders got lifted when she said she had stay. True to be told after I trapped Pan´s shadow I was having a hard time controlling my magic. Every little thing made me angry and I could feel the sparks blasting off my hands, it was subtle at first, but I was starting to get worried when we were confronting Rumpel.

 

After my talk with Regina I felt a little calmer, as long as I kept away from the two men-children in front of me, both of them have brought me food and were pushing each other out of my line of sight but I wasn´t paying attention because Regina was behind them, some distance from us, she was staring with a glare directed to them, I swear if looks could kill they´d be death by now. She caught my eyes and raised her eyebrow, as if asking if I was okay with this childish show. I averted my eyes and just sighed.

 

“Emma, I brought you so berries, the very best” said Neal showing me the ones in his hands.

 

“But mine are bigger and sweeter” said Hook showing me a couple of them in his one hand.

 

“Sure Emma, eat them, if you want to get poisoned that is” said Tinkerbell while she passed beside us, rolling her eyes.

 

“It´s as if you forgot everything about Neverland, you both are pathetic” Behind them Regina was smirking devilishly.  Both Neal and Hook dropped the berries glaring at Tinkerbell.

 

“Look Emma, lets end this ridiculously contest and just tell dear Neal here how you enjoy my kisses more than his and how you want to be with me” said Hook, smirking that devilish boyish and handsome smile of his. Honestly I don´t understand how could I have ever kissed him when he make faces like that, is not like Hook wasn´t good looking, it just was the way he smirked as if you were a possession and not a human being.

 

“Emma, we have a past, we are each other’s true love, and you know it. Beside we share a son, is only natural we end up together” said Neal giving his own version of Hook’s smirk.

 

I was starting to feel the energy twisting inside me ready to jump out and knock both of the boys unconscious, couldn´t they understand I meant it when I said I choose Henry?. Bless Regina Mills; she walked to us just in time.

 

“Would you two grow up? Is clear Emma has no interest on any of you” she said, so sure of herself with her arms crossed over her chest.

 

“She kissed me” said Hook, dismissing Regina as if she was a fly.

 

“She saved me” said Neal, glaring at her, ready to attack her if necessary.

 

“Emma?” she asked me ignoring their childish come backs.

 

“As I have already told them, I choose Henry, he is my priority and will always be my priority” I said to her. She stared at me for a while longer and nodded as if she was reading the true in my eyes.

 

“There you have it. She is not interested in your childish masculinity contest” Hook glared, but said nothing and walked away. But Neal stayed. Always being the foolish boy.

 

“You don´t own Emma, lady” wrong thing to say. I was ready to stop Regina from murdering him but she just smirked.

 

“Neither do you” this didn´t sit well with Neal.

 

“I love her” Regina walked calmly around Neal, to stand beside me. The energy I was feeling trying to leak off my body was retained by some other force. I gasped softly but neither Neal nor Regina noticed.

 

“You do, don´t you?” she asked with so much venom in her voice making Neal wince. Everyone else was looking at us. Mary Margaret was being held behind by David. Rumpel didn´t look like he was about to interfere, but he looked ready to stop Regina if needed.

 

“Tell me then, how much did you love her when Pinocchio asked you to leave her?” I gasped; I did not know August was involved in Neal´s decision to leave me.

 

“I didn´t have an option, I had to leave to protect her” Regina laughed, her Evil Queen laugh that made the hair in the back of my neck stand. It seems to have the same effect on everyone except Rumpel.

 

“You have to leave to PROTECT her? Don´t make me laugh boy. You left because you were a coward. You left because staying with her meant you had to come back and face the father who betrayed you. You choose to leave your supposed true love to escape again from your father and the magic world you hate so much. You never thought what the consequences of leaving Emma behind would be for her. Because of you, she was alone and pregnant in jail. Now tell me again, how much do you love her?” Neal didn’t say anything. Nobody said anything; they just stared at Neal and Regina. I was looking at Regina. Why was she defending me with such passion? Could this be born from the fragile bound of friendship we have built in the island?

 

“I´m willing to change so we can be a family with Henry, he is our son” he said, trying to justify his feelings.

 

“Tell me. Since you were rescued by Emma, have you tried to do something useful to help save MY son?” Neal winced at her words, especially when she made emphasis on the word ‘my’.

 

“I captured Pan´s shadow” he said.

 

“YOU did?” Regina looked at me then for confirmation, knowing it wasn´t true but she wanted to hear it from my own mouth.

 

“I created a flame trapping him. I´m afraid, Neal and Hook were too preoccupied fighting for the lighter and losing it to be able to create fire.”  Regina smiled softly then, it was unusual but not quite. She had directed this smile to me a couple of times already.

 

“I see my classes did pay off” I smiled back.

 

“So tell me again, how have you helped?” Neal didn´t answer her. He looked so furious.

 

“We need to be together for Henry, he is OUR son.” This fight was all too familiar, but unlike Regina and I. Neal lacked the guts to face the Queen. He already looked like he was regretting ever saying that. More so when, purple magic was coming off of Regina. Rumpel moved forward but Hook pointed his sword at him. But Regina took a deep breath. The magic banished and I could hear Neal breathing a sigh of relive.

 

“You are no more than the sperm donor to Henry. You hold no legal or emotional rights over MY son. I have allowed Henry to interact with you because it makes HIM happy. But one word to the law enforcement and I could have a restricting order on you for trying to kidnap MY son. Get this into our tiny little head, you are nothing but an inconspicuous misfortune, you lost your right to mine and EMMA´s son when you decided YOUR safety was best. You lost your right the day Emma decided to give Henry his best chance by allowing ME to raise him. I might be an evil Queen. I might be a monster. I might have killed countless and I might have taken everyone’s happy endings. But I would never leave the people I love behind.”

 

Neal looked disoriented, I wasn´t feeling any better myself. Regina´s words should have anger me but they didn´t, because at the end she acknowledge my parentage to Henry in front of other people. I have earned her respect enough to be considered the co-parent. He looked at me, as if asking me to help him prove something that was only in his head. I said nothing, I stood tall beside Regina. He moved away from us, ran to the woods followed by a pissed off Rumpel. Hook actually looked impressed with Regina and walked away from camp. Marry Margaret and David just stayed there staring at Regina like they have never seen the woman before. Tinkerbell walked up to her, grinning.

 

“Girl, you´ve got your fire going. I adore the guy but he can be a hard headed sometimes” respect, that was what Regina had won that day from Tinkerbell. Once Tinkerbell left, Regina took a deep breath. The magic holding mine in check disappeared.

 

“What the hell was that?” I asked.

 

“Stop cursing. That boy had it coming” Regina rolled her shoulders as to let go of the tense muscles that have formed there.

 

“No, I meant the magic holding mine thing” Regina took a deep breath again.

 

“You have done magic on your own. That had open a flood now that you know how it works, every time you get angry it will leak off you like a ruined tap. We need to train you to contain it. You said there must be another way to do it without turning dark. There is.  I´m trying to prevent it from turning you like me until I find it.”

 

I don´t know what I was feeling at the moment, I wasn´t sure if it was influenced by the island or if this was all on my own but I shallow the lump forming in my throat. Regina just gave me a tight smile and walked back to her packing. We had to get moving if we wanted to catch up with Pan. It wasn´t so hard getting rid of the lost boys, Regina made them sleep like babies while we searched clues for Henry. I was trying to stick close to her to prevent Neal, Hook or my parents to get too close and demand we talked about what happened. But Neal was quite. He wouldn´t look my way and he kept as far away from Regina if possible.

 

  We didn´t find him or Henry, but we did find this girl named Wendy. It didn´t come to a surprise for me or Regina when we learned she had sacrificed herself to save a boy who later left her to her own doom. It seemed it was a trait when it came to Neal Cassidy. Wendy was grateful with us for saving her; she told us what Pan tried to do to our son. At first I didn´t want to trust this girl. But the things she was saying. How Henry was going to get fooled by Pan into giving him his heart because Pan had told him he was the savior of all magic did ring true. Henry was the sweetest boy, but he did have this wrong idea in his head of what it meant to be a hero.

 

Once Wendy finished explaining where they were, Regina and Rumpel were off to try to figure it out how to find this skull cave. Neal stayed with Wendy to make sure she was unhurt, Mary Margaret and David were walking my way but I pointed to the unconscious lost boys, they nodded and proceeded to tie them up. We didn´t know how long Regina´s spell was going to last. I followed Tinkerbell to help her look for clues in the lost boys tents, as soon as I enter one to look for a map or something Hook went in with me.

 

“So, any luck?” He was smirking, moving closer than comfortable.

 

“What do you want?” I asked, not in the mood for his little games.

 

“Since it seem dear Bae has given up on you, I think that´s enough of pretending you are not interested in me” I continue my search but it was starting to get difficult every time Hook got in my way, trying to invade my personal space.

 

“I have told you many times. I am only interested in saving my son.” I said but his cocky smile never left his face. He held my face forcing me to look at him.

 

“You can´t deny the sexual tension between us, love” magic was about to burst off my hands when Hook went flying off the tent, crashing on a near tree while branches wrapped around him, holding him tight.

 

“Sexual harassment is not very sexy, Hook” said Regina calmly.

 

Hook groaned while trying to escape his bounds. I just looked at Regina with my mouth open.

 

“Let me go you witch!” Regina wrapped a branch magically around his mouth to shut him up.

 

“As soon as you learn to take no for an answer” Rumpel was grinning and Neal was actually laughing at Hook. Tinker was clamping at Regina. I got to say with Regina here that girl looked livelier.

 

Hook stayed on the tree for about two hours while we made plans, Regina and Rumpel weren´t successful in finding a way so now we found ourselves in a sticky situation. Wendy told us she remembered something about a lake, but she wasn´t sure which one. Regina said we might be able to track Henry some way. By using a spell, maybe. Rumpelstiltskin said he had a suggestion but Regina turned him down as soon as he said the words.

 

“I know what spell you are talking about and I won´t allow it” she said glaring at him.

 

“What spell?” I asked. Rumpel wasn´t even allowed opening his mouth when Regina stood up from her sitting position by the fire.

 

“He wants to use the same spell he used to get us to Neverland. But we don´t have the globe anymore. He wants to make another one with the map. But this time he would have to use your blood to find him.” This information surprised us all.

 

“It will work” Rumpel said, not looking one bit perturbed.

 

“I won´t allow it” Regina said menacingly walking up to Rumpel.

 

“Let’s do it” I said walking up to them. Mary Margaret and David protested but I did not pay them any care. Neal looked warily at us but said nothing. He wasn´t brave enough to offer his own blood.

 

“We will find another way” Regina said, turning her eyes to me. I placed a hand on her shoulder, smiling softly and confidently.

 

“I promised I wasn´t going to get sidetracked this time. We need to rescue Henry and if this is a way to do it, I´m willing to sacrifice a few drops of blood for him.” The determination in my eyes finally softened the Queen.

 

“Alright. But no funny business, Rumpelstiltskin. Or you won´t live to tell the tale” Rumpel rolled his eyes and I handed him the map.

 

“Have a little faith your Majesty, this will be done by tonight, it takes time so I suggest you all rest and maybe putting that pirate down will be a good idea. We might need him.” Regina flipped her hand and Hook came crashing down to the ground.

 

“You little bitch” Hook growled moving fast to Regina with his sword ready to strike. Regina didn´t got off his way, she stood as regal as the Queen she was. Hook sword close to her throat.

 

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn´t thrust this sword inside you” Hook spat at her.

 

“I think Charming will find your… sword more enjoyable” Charming blushed and looked angrily at Regina. Snow was ready to kill Regina. Rumpel laughed. We all just shook our heads.

 

“Maybe later-“Charming actually looked like a tomato, Snow was as white as her name. Rumpel just laughed harder “-right now I want to cut the head of the evil Queen and have it as trophy for my ship” I´d had it with this. Moving in front of Regina, I disarmed Hook with my sword.

 

“That´s enough, as much as I disagree with Regina´s method, you had it coming. I have told you I choose Henry. But you think winning me like I was some toy is more important. Either you help us save our son or leave us alone. I´m thankful for the help. But this kinship turned to the worst” he frowned.

 

“What of the kiss?” I sighed.

 

“It was a moment of confusion; I was feeling not like myself. It was one of the things I regret the most.” He actually looked hurt, but I didn´t want to lead him on. He was a great companion but never a good lover.

 

 

“Don´t come crying to my arms when the Queen breaks your heart” he said. I blinked. What the hell was he talking about? I could feel Regina´s glare at him behind me as he left.

 

 

After Hook left, everyone reassumed doing what we could to keep the boys safe but tied up so they wouldn´t leave. Wendy was kind enough to show us were they kept the weapons so we took as many of them as we could. Hook had some guts to imply I had feelings for Emma. Please, the only feeling I had for her was of friendly kinship because we share a son. Hook was being ridiculous as always.   

 

Of course we both knew it but some sort of awkward feeling settle between us. Walking away from each other we said not a single word nor shared one single look. So, here we were, Emma by the opposite side of the camp while I was trying to focus on what Rumpel was doing.

 

Rumpelstiltskin had sat by the fire, with the map in his hand. He keep it as close to the fire I was afraid he might burn it but it didn´t catch fire. I found myself with nothing to do but worry about this spell. Blood magic was more dangerous than Emma was aware of and honestly I wasn´t going to risk my son´s mother to find him. Me being protective of Emma was all for Henry´s benefit, of course.

 

“Are you really going to allow the dark one to use blood magic?” Tinkerbell sat beside me.

 

“You know I don’t want to, but Emma is stubborn” Tink looked at Emma, who was too distracted to notice Snow walking up to her, and she almost jumped out of her skin when Snow placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

  “She seem to trust you enough to stop him if something bad happens” the venom in her voice wasn´t missed.

 

“Tinkerbell-“

 

“No, is alright, the past is the past, I´m over it. For what I´ve seen you have changed from the insecure, manipulative woman you were back then” I smiled softly.

 

“Henry has changed me.” I said. She looked at me then, there was something in her eyes I couldn´t quite read.

 

“Yeah.” She said but she wasn´t telling something.

 

Snow and Emma walked away from the camp, Emma had this hesitant look on her face, dragging her feet on the ground as if she didn´t want to go but something Snow had said forced her to put herself in a situation she was avoiding. I still didn´t know what had happened between them when I was away. I needed to if I wanted to help Emma control her magic. If Snow was part of her change it wouldn´t surprise me if Emma let herself fall on the wrong side of her powers. I have done it before.

 

“Worried?” Tink asked.

 

“I don’t trust Snow.” I said, she nodded because she understood my story, she saw it from a different perspective, and sadly it had cost her wings.  

 

“I´m not really sure what happened but it seem it had to do with that cave where you can´t lie while there were saving Bae” Think said, looking at me again.

 

“Surprise this time it backfired on her” I said, already worried about what Snow had revealed in that cave to have such effect on Emma.

 

Tinkerbell actually laughed at my words and for a moment it felt like we were back in that outdoor pub back in the enchanted forest. Seem the same thought came to Tink because she went quite the next second. We sat there in silence while Rumpelstiltskin keep working on the spell. My mind was far away. Too worried about many things, to really pay attention to him. Not long after they left, maybe half hour in which neither one of us, the remaining gang, moved a muscle. Snow came back, she was trying really hard not to cry, she walked up to Charming whispered something to him and they both left the camp, away from where she had come from.

 

I was expecting to see Emma after her mother but she didn´t show up for a good ten minutes after the morons left. Tink pushed me on the shoulder, I glared at her.

 

“What?”  I didn´t look at her because I was still waiting for Emma to show up. She pushed me again.

 

“What do you want?” I did look at her this time and she was staring at me seriously.

 

“You need to go” she said.

 

“Where?” I asked not understanding anything about her behavior or that look she was giving me.

 

“Go find Emma, I sense she needs a friend right now” she said pushing me again, I was starting to get really angry about this pushing of hers.

 

“We are not friends” I said but stood up anyways and walked the way I saw Snow and Emma leave earlier. She wasn´t so far away from the camp, she was sitting on a fallen tree. I had to stop for a second because from the distance I was I hear soft sobs coming from her. Hesitantly I walked up to her and sat beside her but made no comment or sudden move. As soon as she felt my presence she pretended that she wasn´t crying.

 

“What are you doing here?” she asked, with her voice husky from her tears, her face still wet and her eyes red.

 

“What happened?” I asked looking at her, trying to read her expression.

 

“Nothing that concerns you” she said looking away from my eyes.

 

“Emma, if you want me to stay and help you save our son, I need to trust you and you need to trust me. We need to trust each other, this, whatever it is, going on between you and your mother is affecting your magic. You were able to make magic because something really hurtful allowed your flow to work. You just needed a little push to it and now you have it but I´m fearing you´re letting it consume you. Don´t do it, look what it made of me” She looked at me then. Her green eyes looked so vulnerable reminding me so much of Henry.

 

“I trust you” she said.

 

“Then tell me” she sighed and covered her face with both hands, trying not to start sobbing.

 

“My mother wants to start over” she said.

 

“What do you mean?” I asked frowning but suspecting where this was going.

 

“Back in the cave we found Neal, we had to tell the true to save him. Mary Margaret said she wanted to have another baby, she wants a fresh start with a baby so she can raise it from childbirth to adulthood, something she missed with me.” I swear I wanted to get up and walk to Snow to smack some sense into her.

 

“That is not the worst part. David can´t leave the island now so Mary Margaret told me she was going to stay with him here, she doesn´t want to come back with us when we rescue Henry, she doesn´t even seem to want to find a way for David to leave the island” she couldn´t hide the tears rolling down her face, I suppressed the urge to wipe them away with my hand.

 

“She´s leaving you” I whispered.

 

“Because I´m too old to get a new start with my parents.” She said between desperate sobs. I wanted to rip Snow heart out. Couldn´t she see what I was seeing? A poor child left on her own at birth, trying to get to know the parents she just found but was denied by said parents because they thought it was too late and wanted to replace her. My mom took her heart out to stop herself from being weak. Yet for a moment if only a few seconds I could feel her love for me radiating from her eyes. Emma had her mother right in front of her, with her heart inside her body, telling her how she was not enough.

 

“I am to blame” I said, looking to the dirt under my feet.

 

“What?” she said, her tone desperate. As if she was expecting me to tell her I´ve taken her mother´s heart and manipulated such horrible words. But I know she didn´t mean it to start a fight, she just wanted someone to tell her Snow was lying.

 

“Because of me you were left in that world all alone.” I saw the disappointment in her eyes but also saw understanding.

 

“Is okay, I´m starting to see why you hated Snow White so much” I did not like to hear that from her.

 

“Just so you know I was not going to harm you” she raised her eyebrow.

 

“No?” I looked away feeling a blush taint my cheeks.

 

“I wanted to raise you” her face was one of the funniest faces she had ever made. I was trying really hard not to laugh but I was mortified by the admission.

 

“Ew, what? No offense, your Majesty, but I´m perfectly fine not calling you mommy” I had to laugh a little.

 

“I know, I´m glad I was never successful” Emma shook her head.

 

“Me too” we stayed there, silently looking at the stars, wondering where our boy was and how much longer until Rumpel finished his spell. The more we waited, higher the possibility we were too late. I broke the silence though.

 

“Her heart is turning black” I said. She looked at me so surprised I was afraid she had hurt her neck when she turned to face me.

 

“She came to my home after she made me murder my mother. Offering herself like that was going to make my suffering go away. I ripped her heart out but I didn´t crush it, when I looked at her heart it had a black spot on it, it was blackening. Don´t ever tell her I told you this but, it might not be her fault. I know what a blackened heart can do, more than anyone, except maybe Rumpelstiltskin but you get where I´m going, right?” Emma didn´t said a word.

 

“But there is hope” I said, reaching out inside me I pulled my own heart out. Emma gasped.

 

“This is my black heart, but is turning red again, you can see it. The more time it passes the redder it gets…” I have noticed that when I first pulled it out to show it to Tinkerbell. I was surprised then; it took me a while to stop looking at it when Tinkerbell gave it back.

 

Emma got closer, reaching out she held my heart in my hand between hers. It felt warmer from when Tinkerbell held it, flashed of tiny lights of red caught my eyes but Emma kept looking at it.

 

“How can I help her?” she said. Looking at me, she squeezed my hand a little but not enough to hurt me. My heart speed up and I could see it.

 

“The only way she can be helped is when she sees the wrong of her ways. I can´t promise you it will happen right now, Emma. But I know her heart will be red again when she lets it forgive and love.” She didn´t say anything, she only looked at my heart again and let go of it soon after. You won’t catch me saying it aloud, but I missed her warm.   

 

“Thanks.” She said, looking at me. The tears were no longer on her eyes and she looked at peace. I was glad I could help. I didn´t notice a large portion of my heart turned red before I placed back inside me.

 

“We better go back, we don´t have much time left if we want to save our son. Gold better have that spell by now.” She said standing up and surprising me by offering a hand to help me. I took it and dusted my pants, the tree trunk was a little wet and it stained my pants, it did not please me.

 

“Are you still sure you want to do this? It´s really dangerous, I´m not about to risk Henry´s other mom to the likes of Rumpel.” She smiled softly.

 

“Relax, everything will be okay, beside you will be there to kick Gold´s ass if he tries anything” We walked back to camp. Snow and Charming were back too, both of them looked sad but Emma did not spare them a look, even thou she seem calmer, she was still angry and her mother and father for wanting to leave her. Though I wasn´t so sure Charming really knew what was going on.

 

“You ready, Gold?” Neal, Tinkerbell and the idiots walked closer to Rumpelstiltskin as we did.

 

“Done for a while, just thought of giving you and your Majesty a little more time to chat” he did not said it with the same sarcasm as usual. For once I was grateful he seems to be acting like a human and not the demon he was. 

 

“All you need to do now is let a few drops of your blood hit the map and we will know the exact location of where Henry is” Emma walked closer to him, taking out her sword she made a small cut on her hand and let the blood drop to the map, when she did, it shinned brightly until we could see a gold line forming from our position to one of the lakes. It wasn´t so far but it was dangerous.

 

We wasted no more time, Tinkerbell offered to stay and take care of Wendy and the lost boys. Both Snow and Charming also did but for different reasons, I gave a look to Emma but she didn´t return it. Neal was another story, as much as I wanted him to stay behind and stop being a waste of space he wouldn´t. So here we went.

 

We found the lake soon enough but the travel to the cave had to be done by boat. Rumpel went in first like he owned it, I did not wait to see what the other two were going to do, I just wanted to reach Henry as soon as possible. Neal offered his hand to Emma to help her get inside but she ignored it and sat beside me, leaving the stirring job to a hurt Neal.

 

Of course Pan wasn´t going to make our work any easier, only Rumpel could penetrate the barrier Pan placed on the entrance. He even had the nerve to ask for the Pandora box. I took satisfaction on taking it away from Neal´s hand when he was about to give it to his father. Saying a few “encouraging” words to Rumpel I gave it to him. Still, I didn´t trust him at all.

 

“Now what?” I asked. Walking behind Emma who kept looking at the moon like it held the secrets of the universe. Neal made some comment I did not pay attention to. He was just sitting there staring at us like he had never seen two women working on a solution of our predicament. I swear that boy was dropped on the head by his mother.

 

“The moon” Emma whispered.

 

“What about it?” I asked standing beside her.

 

“It’s making us cast a shadow, there must be a way to cover it” Genius, Emma was a genius when she put her mind to it.

 

“Of course, I need help” I said, rolling up my selves and getting ready for some serious magic.

 

“With magic?” she asked surprised. I gave her a look, promising her that I would not allow her to reach the wrong part of it. We still had to practice control, but there was no time for it.

 

“How can you do it?” Neal asked, why did he have to open his mouth? It was such waste of air.

 

“Yes, how can we cover the moon?” Emma asked. But it seem it wasn´t what Neal was referring, I assumed he was talking about the ability of Emma and I to make magic together, that was something I wasn´t sure myself.

 

“Follow my lead” she did, I have no idea why on earth Neal thought it was the perfect moment to walk behind us, he could see the moon perfectly from where he was, but no, he just had to go and almost throw off my concentration because I wanted to hit him so hard for being a noisy brat. But I felt something of a glare being directed at me from him, he also kept looking at Emma.

 

Soon enough the moon started to eclipse and we couldn´t cast a shadow. Emma looked at me with a huge happy smile, feeling proud of herself from accomplishing such complicated spell. Neal wasn´t so happy.

 

“How did you do that?” he asked. Walking between us, I was sure he was trying to place himself between Emma and myself to try to protect her. Emma was as confused as I was.

 

“Whatever do you mean?” I asked trying to walk past him but he didn´t let me.

 

“I know magic” he said, Emma called him but he ignored her.

 

“You do?” I asked, faking a gasp holding a hand to my chest. He glared at me harder.

 

“There is only one kind of magic strong enough to move planets” he said. I did not comment on this; I knew what kind of magic he was talking about. And he was being stupid to even suggest that what Emma and I could do was true loves magic. I always thought it had to do with our natures. I was darkness and she was light.

 

“Don´t be ridiculous” I said, again trying to move past him but he wouldn´t let me. I was starting to get impatient, we didn´t have time to waste on petty fights over how jealous he was.

 

“Emma does not feel the same” he said. As if he knew what he was talking about.

 

“Whatever is going on inside that tiny little brain of yours I´m sure you have no idea what you are talking about or what Emma feels.” Emma was starting to see where this was going. It was Hook´s comment all over again.

 

“Neal, can you stop your childish fights? We need to save Henry.” She said pushing him out of the way so I could walk by, she nodded at me as I passed her and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it to tell me she will deal with the moron of her ex boyfriend. Neal didn´t miss the touch and the looks and was protesting about it. Saying how undeserving I was of Emma and other nonsense that I didn´t want to think about. Emma´s touch had made it difficult to ignore because my shoulder still felt warm.

 

I went ahead of them but they soon catch me before I reached were our son was. There were no signs of Rumpelstiltskin but there was Henry, our little boy holding his gold heart on his hand. It was so painful to see that sight. I was trying so hard not to run to him to stop him from doing what he was about to do. Pan obviously twisted our words to his advantage. And Henry being the hero he thought he was, did what we tried so hard to stop. As soon as he placed his heart inside Pan´s body I felt my own die. We ran to the uncurious boy, I didn´t even care if Neal got close to him. My only concern was Henry, and how pail he looked. But that pain, concern and fear soon turned into anger and both Emma´s and my magic touched as it leaked from our bodies like poison.  But there was no way we could use it to hurt Pan without hurting our son´s heart in the process.

 

Pan escaped from our hands, taking Henry´s heart with him and leaving us with the boy who only wanted to be a hero and make things right in the world. I did not blame his actions; I only blame the fact that I let him believe what Pan´s words had made him do. 

 

We did not use magic to take Henry´s body back to the camp, it took a while but allowing Neal to help we took him to the boat. I did not complain nor made a fuss about Neal touching my son. This was neither the time nor the place to act childish. As we went back both Emma and I held both of his hands, one each. Rumpelstiltskin never made it back but we did not care, not even Neal seemed to care about him right now.  

 

As soon as we reached the camp with Henry everyone ran to our sides, but it was not a happy moment, his grandparents both had tears in their eyes. Even Tinkerbell looked heartbroken for what had happened to him. Wendy kept saying how sorry she was but Neal told her it wasn´t her fault, Henry had believed Pan´s lies. There was nothing anyone of us could do but watch him destroy himself. I tried really hard not to cry. Emma wasn´t doing any better but she looked strong beside our boy. Her eyes focused on something I was sure was ways to make Pan pay for what he did.

 

The silence was the most uncomfortable silence I had to face. We didn´t know what to do or where to go from here. We needed to find Pan but we had no idea where to start looking until Hook came back to camp. He did not said much other than telling us he had hear what happened from some boys in another camp. He had dealt with them and forced them to tell him where Pan went. Pan had gone to Storybrooke, wanting to rule the world without magic.

 

“Why are you helping us?” Emma asked. Afraid he might have done it to be on her good graces to win her heart.

 

“I remember why I turned back in the first place” he said, looking at the unsuspected Neal. Emma seemed to know what he was talking about and nodded her thanks, shaking his hand as if they were no more than good pals. He looked at me, his face neutral until he sort of nodded as if telling me how sorry he was for what had happened to my son. I accepted it and nodded back as to thank him for his help.

 

Neal, with a little help from Charming, placed Henry inside of the biggest tent, neither Emma nor I moved from his side, we both still holding his hands. When they placed him on one of the “beds” I was about to touch his cheek but Neal´s hand holding mine stopped me.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” I looked at him standing up and moving away from his touch. Emma just stood there confused.

 

“Don´t touch him” he said. As if me touching him will harm him more than he had already harmed himself.

 

“Excuse me?” I am never in the mood for Neal Cassidy but right now I was ready to destroy him if he ever tried something.

 

“You have already wrong him enough” he really have no idea what he was talking about. I was about to speak when Snow decided it was appropriate to voice her opinion.

 

“Neal is right, if it wasn’t for you nothing of this would have happened” this again.

 

“Yes, because I was the one teaching Henry what being a ‘Hero’ meant. I was the one teaching him how to rip his own heart out; yes I can see how it is my fault.” I growled, focusing my magic on my hand. A few flickers of fire rolling around my hand.

 

“Because of you Greg took Henry.” Neal said, his own version of an angry face looked more like he had sucked on a ratter bitter lemon. I wouldn´t have cared for his words but he had the nerve to take Charming´s sword and point it at me.

 

“Because of you many bad things have happened” Snow said. Glaring, I knew her blacking heart was enjoying this.

 

“Blaming me for Charming´s injury too?” the fire in my hand intensified. But then Emma stood up.

 

“Would you two SHAD THE FUCK UP?” this startled all of us. I was used to Emma´s cursing but not when it was directed at the two morons in front of me.

 

“I have had it with you two trying to blame Regina for everything, why are you always putting blame on others when things are also your fault?” they did not correct her and she took their silence as a sign to continue.

 

“Henry would have had his former family if you, Neal, weren´t such a coward. Running away from your responsibilities. Your first priority was and will always be keeping yourself safe. I´m done with hearing you say you deserve a second chance with me or how we belong because of Henry. We don´t belong, Neal. We never did and Henry never belonged to us, Henry is Regina´s son and we are just the people who provide her with her baby boy” Neal looked so hurt I was trying not to gloat but what Emma said was wrong.

 

“Emma you are not ju-“She interrupted me, looked at me with the warmest of smiles.

 

“I know Regina, to you and Henry I´m more than just the incubator. It took me a while but I understand it now” she placed a hand on Henry´s head.

 

“But regardless of what they think of me the reality is more than obvious. Neither you nor I hold any right to the boy you see laying here without his heart because he is so desperate to be like his grandparents” she looked at Snow then.

 

“Grandparents who are no different from the man standing beside them. Sure, Regina casted the curse and we lost the opportunity to have a real family. But to hear your mother say they want a chance to start over by having another baby, how she wants to stay with your father and leave you. It hurt more than anything ever did, more than being abandoned in the forest.” Charming looked surprised, it seem like Snow haven´t told him the whole true. Snow looked hurt and ashamed of herself.

 

“I´m an adult mom, but even in this body, there is still that little orphan girl who cried for her parents, and you know it, I told you when Pan gave me the map and I confessed being a lost girl. I can´t believe you lied to me when you said it was your job to change that.” Tears were running down her eyes but she stood tall and proud.

 

“It´s no longer about the things Regina or anyone else did in the past, is about the now, and Regina has showed us that her one priority through this has been Henry.” Charming was the first to react, he took Snow by the arm and dragged her out of the tent, he was not the brightest candle in the castle but he did love his daughter as much as I love Henry.

 

“Come on mate, let us go prepare the ship” Hook said, pushing the stunned Neal out of the tent, giving us a look.

 

And there we stood, both of us, alone with our unconscious son. I was trying really hard not to think about anything. But my body moved on its own. I found myself holding her hand, she jumped a little in surprise, but did not turn back to look at me, trying to hide her tears from me but she didn´t need to, I was not going to think she was weak. A year ago her tears would had made me feel satisfaction because she was hurting, but now it just made me feel like holding her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.

 

She sighed then, squeezing my hand in thanks and wiping her eyes with her shirt selves. She turned and sat by Henry´s side but she didn´t let go of my hand, I had no other choice but to move around to sit by Henry´s other side, she took our hand and placed both of them on Henry´s chest. Our hearts broke when we couldn´t feel his heartbeat.

 

“What is going to happen to Henry?” she asked. He felt cold under our fingers, combining our magic I lead Emma to transfer some of our warm to him.

 

“The longer he stays away from his heart, the more exposed he is to lose his connection to it. We need to find it soon.” Tinkerbell walked in.

 

“We are leaving soon, Hook said there was a way into the ocean through this lake, so we won´t have to travel by foot all the way were you came.” I nodded in thanks. Tink looked at us for a while before smiling softly and left.

 

“I don´t think she´s angry with you anymore” Emma whispered, looking at Henry.

 

“She hasn´t forgiven me yet either” I said, Emma frowned.

 

“Complicated history, uh?” she said in a tone of voice that made me do a double take. It sounded awful like jealousy.

 

“What? I was not romantically involved with her, Emma” I did not know why I answered like that but I did not miss the look on relieve on her face.

 

“Good” she said, I was speechless. I must have made a funny face because she laughed a little but she didn´t allow me to question why she thought it was good.

 

“Regina… there is something I have always wanted to request from you” her hand on top of mine felt warmer.

 

“What is it?” She looked at me shyly.

 

“Can you tell me Henry´s baby stories?” We both looked at our son, the color on his cheeks had returned a little but it wouldn´t stay until we found his heart.

 

“When he was about two-three months old, he got really sick. I was scared out of my mind, I remember I treated Whale with death if he didn´t help him, but little Henry only had a little stomach ache because he had eaten too much… “I told her all the little adventures he had as a child. Her soft eyes and smile as she hear me talk about our son washed over me like warm water, whatever this moment was, it was not only to know more about Henry, she wanted to know more about me through Henry.

 

I didn´t know how we were going to destroy Pan, but something I knew for sure was that I could trust Emma to find a way, and we will do it together, as a family.

 

Fin. 


End file.
